Remember when everyone said we’d remember our first kiss forever? Well, I wish I could forget it. See, I was a late bloomer; I had my first kiss just a few months before my 18th birthday. I always imagined it’d be with my first boyfriend, my prom date, maybe my first love. (He actually ended up being my prom date, but that’s a whole different story that I’m still not even over enough to discuss.) Before we went on our “first date” (it was high school, so we just hung out in his bedroom watching Netflix — granted, this isn’t much different from my typical Tinder dates now *side eye*), I sifted through the “how to kiss” Google search results for about two hours. I was terrified I would be the worst kisser to walk this earth. What would this 17-year-old boy do if I gave him a bad kiss? Truly, it would be social suicide. Fast-forward a few extremely awkward and nervous hours, and I finally did it. I kissed. All to find out, I wasn’t the one who was a bad kisser — it was the 17-year-old boy.
Let’s be honest here: I was actually happy because then I had something to gossip about. Also, I like being better at things than men.
This long story, followed by many more kisses from many more men throughout my life, has brought me to this question: can you fix a bad kisser? After some serious digging, the answer: yes and no.
While there are things you can do to improve someone’s ability and make their kissing a little more your style, there isn’t much you can do if they’re not willing to change. Some people will say that it’s you, or they’ll say every other person they’ve ever been with loved their kissing (a lie). If they’re not open and understanding that your makeouts aren’t your typical style, kick ‘em to the curb. (Yes, I am saying it’s OK to break up with your partner — we deserve nice kisses!!)
Also, if it’s a hygiene problem (i.e. their breath smells bad, they haven’t brushed their teeth, you can taste all the food they ate — I’m cringing just thinking about it), you have to just tell them directly. We’re not against picking up a new toothbrush and mouthwash to send the hint!
However, if your partner is ready to learn some new tricks, you’ve come to the right place.
Use this as an excuse to kiss a lot and kiss often! Kissing isn’t something you can learn without doing anything. Before you ever had your first kiss, I’m sure your friends (and every teen magazine you could get your hands on) told you that you can’t anticipate it too much; you have to learn to kiss by doing. So, tell your kissing partner to keep trying. Sometimes, people just don’t know what they’re doing and need some time to get used to your groove.
Guide their hands
A kiss that uses exclusively your mouths isn’t very engaging. Grab your partners hands and guide them where you want them, whether on your face, your sides, your knees, or wherever feels natural. Your partner will have to focus a little more on what they’re doing with their hands, so it takes some of the intensity away from what they’re doing with their mouth. (Because an overly-intense kiss is no good!)
Tell them what to do
It doesn’t have to be awkward or mean to tell your partner how you want them to kiss you. Be sexy about it. Say something like, “I really like when you kiss me like this,” and show them exactly what you want. You can also ask them to mimic you to make a game of it!
Set the tone
If your partner is too intense or is going too fast, set the tone by initiating everything. If you go slower, they’ll start to understand and get used to your pace.
An hour-long makeout without any time off is exhausting (although fun!). Pull away for a moment to recap what just happened, telling your partner what you liked the best. This is your chance to tell them to do more of what you liked, and encourage them to do less of what you didn’t.
Work up to tongue action
Adding a little tongue to your makeout is sexy AF, but it can go wrong so fast. Try to give a little time to catch up to each other, get to know what each person’s vibe is, and get the pace going before you go into a full-on French kiss. (Is that still what we’re calling it?) If your partner likes to shove their tongue into your mouth right from the get-go (typical), tell them you want to work up to that and start slow. A slow, controlled makeout can be just as sexy (if not more) as a sloppy, fast one.
Remind them of the importance of kissing
To some people, kissing isn’t an art; it’s a way to get into other sexual acts. However, if kissing is important to you, remind your partner of that. Tell them how much you enjoy kissing them and how it turns you on. They might not realize you enjoy it. This is also a good time to ask them what they like and in turn, tell them what you want.