Whether it was Urban Dictionary, a kid in fifth grade recess, or Lil Wayne’s hit single, “Lollipop,” you were probably confused AF at the first thought of “oral sex.” People? Do? THAT? Heck, they enjoy it? I don’t know a single person who wasn’t all “huh????” the first time they heard about oral sex. Alas, as sexually active adults, we’ve all come to accept oral sex, and for many of us, we look forward to it.
Oral sex is a factor of sex for many couples, and we could all stand to take a few tips (or *cough cough* give a few tips to our partners) to get better at it. Regardless of what gender you’re giving head to, these tips will make you the best they’ve ever had.
If you don’t enjoy it, don’t do it
This obviously goes for most things in life, but it’s especially important when it comes to oral sex. You can tell when someone’s not “in” it. If you look like you’re not having fun, you won’t have fun, and neither will your partner.
Ask what your partner likes
Everyone wants something different. Licking, sucking, kissing, all of the above, none of the above—everyone gets excited over different things. While your last partner might have loved when you do XYZ, your new partner might find that uncomfortable. Instead of guessing what they like, just ask. You can make it sexy by asking them if they like when you this or that. (I’m picturing the way your eye doctor asks you if you see better with #1 or #2 more—yes, I just made the eye doctor sexual, not sorry.)
Understand oral isn’t the same as penetrative sex
This is especially helpful if you’re giving oral sex to someone with a vulva. Using your tongue the same way you would penetrate with fingers or a penis doesn’t feel the same; it’s actually not particularly pleasurable for a lot of women. Oral is a different sensation than penetration, which is one of the reasons why it’s so fun! Don’t spend the entire time trying to go down on them as a substitute for sex. Oral isn’t a substitute; it’s a complement.
Engage in foreplay
Yes, oral sex is considered foreplay on its own for some. However, even if you’re doing it as a lead up to sex or you’re considering it the main event, there’s still a lot you can do to get yourself in the mood for oral. It can be hot to rush right into it, but you can turn things up a notch by kissing, touching each other, playing a sexy game, or just reading this list of eight new acts of foreplay to try.
Use more than your mouth
Just because it’s called “oral sex” doesn’t mean you can only use your mouth to do all the work. Your hands are an incredible tool to make oral sex a multi-sensory experience. You can touch their genitals or touch their stomach, their arms, their breasts, their inner thighs, etc. Adding that extra element of touch helps build anticipation and arousal.
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Taking in the view during oral sex is just part of the fun! Break out your hot lingerie or just go nude. Sex is about the senses, and when you add a sexy sight (i.e. your smokin’ hot bod), there’s just another sensory detail to focus on and help your partner reach an amazing orgasm.
Make eye contact
Looking someone in the eye casually while you’re giving oral sex allows you to make a deeper connection. It also goes back to that idea above—it makes you feel like the other person really wants to be doing it and is enjoying themselves too. It doesn’t have to be awkward and creepy.
Don’t be afraid to add moisture
Oral sex is pretty impossible if you’re not willing to add some lubrication to make things go a little smoother. While it might seem uncomfortable at first, adding some of your spit (on top of any of the sucking/licking/etc.) will lubricate what you’re doing a little more and make it easier to create friction. If it feels less awkward, you can spit directly on your hand and go from there. If awkward isn’t even a thought in your brain, you can collect all the spit in your mouth, put the penis or clitoris/labia in your mouth, and then release all the spit while you’re mouth is mostly closed. Oral sex is this weird thing that we enjoy sensations we typically wouldn’t—the thought of someone spitting on me anywhere else is weird AF—so don’t be afraid to try new things that might seem weird but actually are super sexy.
Add sex toys
Using sex toys during oral is a great way to change up the pace and add in a different sensory element. On someone with a vulva, this is pretty self-explanatory. With a penis, you have to get a little creative. They make sex toys specifically for men that can be used here, but if you don’t want to shell out the cash, you can use vibrators on men too! You can place a bullet or classic vibe at the base of the penis to add a vibration effect while you’re sucking/licking/whatever you’re doing.
To make oral sex on your partner feel good for you too, you can use sex toys on yourself while you’re going down on them. It might take a little coordination, but it will feel good for you and will turn on your partner to know you’re turned on in the moment too.
Take breaks (or switch)
A big misconception about sex is that it all has to be done in one take, like an old Hollywood movie. In fact, it’s actually a lot more fun and more enjoyable to take breaks and switch things up. This won’t work if you’re tight for time, but if you have the whole night ahead of you, stopping and starting can be a good tactic to an explosive orgasm for the both of you. After a while, your jaw starts to hurt, your mouth stops producing spit, and you lose a little interest—it’s very normal. If you give oral to them for a little bit and then have them give to you then go back to them, you’ll renew your interest and arousal in a different way.